I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
