WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The air was thick with penises
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
