I puked a lego.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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