mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
