just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
