i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
