I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
