i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
