I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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