Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
