Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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