he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
