peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
