I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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