We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
