He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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