he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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