I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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