I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize