Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
