Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
