Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
