how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
well you can't waste a boner
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
