There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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