I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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