So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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