Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
