There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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