This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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