Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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