Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
