How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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