I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize