Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
