There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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