thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Houston, we have a blender
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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