i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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