just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Umm I'm too high to move.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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