Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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