I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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