I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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