someone owes me an orgasm
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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