I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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