Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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