So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
