I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
