I think I am morally bankrupt
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
