a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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