i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
