It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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