You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
