I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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