Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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