We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
