White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
