so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
