It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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