Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
