OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
