Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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