i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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