worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
