I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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