I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
