Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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