Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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