GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
