Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
