the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
